Dealing with a breakup? Here’s 10 steps to help you through it

When you’re going through a rough breakup, it can be tricky seeing beyond the tears. In a month where everyone’s celebrating their love, you feel like you’ve just lost it. It’s important to remind yourself that every end to a chapter marks the start of a new one.

Now’s the time to focus on you. Open the floodgates, focus on activities and friends that make you happy, and show yourself patience. You’ve been through a lot. Let’s get into how you can get through this bump without burning yourself out.

Let yourself feel it

First and foremost, you’ve got to let yourself feel it. Denial is tough to keep up with. If you need to cry, scream, or grieve the loss of a connection you’ve held close to you, you’re allowed to. We often brush over our emotions, convincing ourselves that it doesn’t hurt, or it’s not so bad. It all eventually catches up in the end. The more honest you are with yourself, the sooner your healing will start. If that doesn’t happen right away, that’s okay too. Be patient with yourself, however you are feeling.

Cut the comms

As much as we’d like to wax on about everything that bothered us about the relationship, about the things that hurt you or that don’t make sense – try limiting communications with your ex and give yourself the space and time to breathe and work through things. Separation hurts, and it isn’t always easy to cut the other person off entirely. If you can sit down and have a chat, then do so. But don’t go out of your way with phone calls and text messages running longer than the river nile. Allow yourself to process and preserve your energy.

More joyful activities

Do things you love, or find something new you love to do! The end of an old chapter frees up space for you to discover more about yourself again. Take up that yoga class, read that book, sign up for the course you’ve been wanting to tackle. Focus on your well-being through activity. How can you heal your mind, be more attentive towards your body, and find your soul food? Whether it’s a dance class or a weekend trip away – inspiration waits for you wherever you find beauty.

Rally the besties

Having a support system is imperative. Whether it’s a night out with the girls, spending some time with family or reconnecting with friends, being around people who inspire, uplift and make you smile is a major plus when you’re going through a tough time. When you’ve got the urge to speak to your ex, call your bestie instead. She’ll know what to say. We often lose touch with our friends when we get into serious relationships because we just have less time to hang out. Being single gives you the opportunity to reconnect with your sisters.

Don’t be afraid to seek help

Seeking professional help is nothing to be ashamed about. If you feel like you need to chat to someone and fully get everything off your chest with a neutral person external from your friends or family, finding a therapist to talk to can bring great relief. They won’t mend your broken heart, but they will absorb everything you’ve got to say, and offer up sound advice and encouraging words for you to move forward with.

Avoid ‘dronk verdriet’

We must have all met the dreaded ‘dronk verdriet’ at some point or another, after a few glasses (ahem, bottles) of wine. If you go there, it’s fine. Get it out of your system. Don’t let alcohol become your crutch, though. Being in a sober state of mind will help you work through things without being overcome by your emotions. We’re not saying you shouldn’t have that entire bottle of wine and box of chocolates…just don’t make it a habit. Focus on adopting healthier habits, instead.

Don’t play the blame game

It doesn’t matter whose fault it is right now. Playing the blame game back and forth won’t help you heal, and will only scratch open wounds that are trying to heal. Even if it really was their fault, the best thing you can do for you right now, is allow yourself the time to heal from it. Scratching a bug bite only makes it worse, and poses the risk of infection. The same goes for healing. It’s counteractive to get yourself caught in a loop of blaming one another, when you could be moving on. It’s easier said than done, we know.

Journal about it

Another great resolution to getting things off your chest without communicating to your ex is to journal. Write it all down. You don’t have to be a novelist or poet. Whatever is running through your head, write that down on paper. Sometimes, all you need is to direct that energy somewhere, rather than letting it spin around your head all day.

Find a hobby to keep you happy

Find yourself with a lot of free time on your hands? It’s time to pick up a hobby. This hobby doesn’t need to be about healing. It’s about having something to help you get into a new routine, which in turn will help you heal anyway. Try new things out of your comfort zone to push yourself towards growing and nurturing a new hobby or skill. Whether it’s a pottery class or a new physical activity, just go for it!

Be patient with yourself

Remember, you’ve just gone through a big change. Don’t force yourself to feel things you just can’t right now. Let yourself be. Don’t jump into a million new things or try handle too much at once. You’re going to need the time to breathe and face what has just happened. It’s all okay if it takes some time.

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