I’ve come to learn that shame and guilt are frequent frenemies – enemies that show up as if they are friends. They tend to creep into my mind and talk me into and out of various situations that could actually be beneficial to me and the life I’m trying to build for myself.
Shame and guilt are natural, human emotions that can guide our steps. They can also help us be cognisant of our words and actions and how they affect others, but there may be times when we find ourselves internalising those feelings beyond the here and now.
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In some extreme scenarios, like with cases of imposter syndrome – the unfounded feelings of self-doubt, incompetence, and being under-qualified may overwhelm us.
According to The Independent, women are more likely to suffer from imposter syndrome than men, with a whopping 72% of women experiencing it in the workplace. 24% of women state that those feelings get in the way of romantic relationships.
If we don’t intervene, we allow the feelings of shame and guilt to dictate our lives’ trajectory and the potential success that awaits.
The feelings of guilt and shame are the root cause of women being overly apologetic too.
I found that changing my language helps to shift my perspective. Instead of constantly apologizing for absolutely nothing, acknowledging how the shame manifests as apologies is the first step.
Here’s how you can shift your language and eventually your perspective from shame and guilt to an attitude of gratitude:
Instead of saying:
“I’m sorry I got so emotional”
Say:
“Thank you for giving me a safe space to share my feelings”
Instead of saying:
“I’m sorry for being a burden”
Say:
“Thank you for being supportive”
Instead of saying:
“I’m sorry I can’t do more”
Say:
“Thank you for understanding I’m at capacity”
In order to embrace a fully lived life, we sometimes need to fight silent, internal battles for our own growth. One of mine is shaking the deep-rooted feelings of shame around my own emotions.
Today, we choose progress over perfection by simply rewording our sentiments with the hope of eradicating unfounded feelings of guilt and shame.
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Feature image: Pexels
